Never Again

Never again, I say. never again will I cry over someone who isn't me. Never again will I let somebody consume me so much that I doubt myself. I let my guard down, I let myself drown in my sorrows over who? That's right, nobody. I'm done with concerning myself with all the stuff that isn't me. Call me selfish, but the only person that' getting hurt is me. So I'll put that wall back up. That wall that protected me from douche bags with no heart. All I have to do is deal with me and no one else. No drama, no tears, no what if questions that could go on for days. No sacrificing my confidence for a nonexistent dream.. I'm me for me. Nothing anybody says matters, because I'll be me till the world freezes over. i make decisions for me, because I want to, and that won't ever change again.

I've been reborn.

Vent

There are days where I feel like I can't hide it; the rage that envelopes me.It isn't good enough to slide all that anger to the bottom of my soul to hide until can't pretend anymore. The emotions come out, and I feel ashamed of myself. My mind would ask:Why'd you let it happen?! What's wrong with you, you're letting the freak of you out. Because sometimes the way I see it, I'm an outcast, I'm a bomb waiting to tick. Any minute now, I'll explode and lose myself in the process. And that scares me. It scares me how fast my patience dwindles. It scares me how different I am. In the back of my mind, there's a voice that's drawing a picture of the quintessential me, the me that I will never become. And it makes me upset, to know that I can never be her. It's makes me mad that I spend my time trying to climb out of the hole of self loathing that I've dug for myself, that no one understands me, not even me . It makes me mad that I drown myself in guilt and that I feel I have to hide my flaws from everyone.
It makes me mad that the only person pulling me back right now is the same person who is writing this.
Me.

Somtimes

Sometimes it feels like
all the things that I write doesn't close the hole inside
my heart soul and mind
my pen gives me strength
for a few seconds and then I go back to being full of hate and rage
make myself cringe
with the thought of all the problems in myself that I've tried solving
all my life has been struggle
event though the world's revolving
moving on just isn't easy
when my worst enemy is me
try to leave behind my insecurities so I could be free
from those eyes that keep on judging
lunging at me though I'm running
in these circles chasing nothing
all this time I have been bluffing
to myself and no one else
living my life under this shell-
hating it all cuz nothing helps.

My heart's been left open and broken
I'm soaked in emotions
so long I've been hoping
to redirect my motives
obsessed in the moments inside my head frozen
replaying again and again
just can't focus
on life, wasting time
with these rhymes about you on my mind
when i should have been fine

Once a douche

I don't buy it anymore
that was me right at your door
hoping you would open up give me a chance cuz i was floored
didn't matter would happen it was you that kept me captive
by your "beauty", you were unique"
so i thought cuz were using my emotions your abusing
my acceptance you've eluded
now I've realized that you're stupid
you're an idiot you're useless
just like everybody else because baby you've made excuses
for the reasons you're a follower a wannabe
the model of
a jerk who hurts
puts up a wall thinks of him first
is at a loss at what the word respect would mean
who was i kidding trying to be
a person you would ever love
lived in a dream a cloud above
I'm falling and glad for it
all the memories once cherished out the window yeah they've perished
and I'm with it
of thinking it's ok and that you're innocent
for breaking me instinctively
like it's as simple as we breathe
you're just a pimple now you bleed
and just a thorn stuck in my side
it's really simple watch me leave
and say goodbye for the last time

-cuz one a douche always a douche