Vent

There are days where I feel like I can't hide it; the rage that envelopes me.It isn't good enough to slide all that anger to the bottom of my soul to hide until can't pretend anymore. The emotions come out, and I feel ashamed of myself. My mind would ask:Why'd you let it happen?! What's wrong with you, you're letting the freak of you out. Because sometimes the way I see it, I'm an outcast, I'm a bomb waiting to tick. Any minute now, I'll explode and lose myself in the process. And that scares me. It scares me how fast my patience dwindles. It scares me how different I am. In the back of my mind, there's a voice that's drawing a picture of the quintessential me, the me that I will never become. And it makes me upset, to know that I can never be her. It's makes me mad that I spend my time trying to climb out of the hole of self loathing that I've dug for myself, that no one understands me, not even me . It makes me mad that I drown myself in guilt and that I feel I have to hide my flaws from everyone.
It makes me mad that the only person pulling me back right now is the same person who is writing this.
Me.