this is really hard to write

I  have a confession to make.
I was never upset. I was afraid, that I fucked everything up with someone I really cared about, one of the only people who I ever let see the real me, and i thought things would never feel the the way the used to.
I was afraid that I would depend on him again, that I never stopped needing him, but that he didn't feel the same.
And so I covered up my fear with anger, and I walked away, which is exactly what happened before.
because it's not that we can't friends the way we used to.
It's the fact that we can that scares me, how easy it is to feel comfortable, for everything to feel like they were.