Waiting for the day

You know when you read something he writes and you want it to be about you, but big whoop it isn't. You want to hate him, but you can't cause he's moved on. Or really he forgot you were there because for him there was nothing to move on from.It's really hard, knowing you're not the one he's talking about. You want it to be. Because your mind tells you he's a piece of dirt on the floor, but your heart tells you otherwise. You miss him, the days when you didn't feel guilty when he crossed your mind. Nothing's changed because the feelings are as strong as ever, but the anger and shame that wasn't there before consumes you until you're overwhelmed. Right now, hope is your worst enemy because it's the only thing that keeps you from getting over him.
It ain't supposed to be this hard. I thought I was over this. I thought all those nights of thinking about him and the moments where I wanted to scream and punch the wall cause he wasn't with me was over. There was a time where I could've sworn I was fine. I could survive even though he sits right in front of me in English. I was bigger than that- bigger than him. Cause I didn't need his approval to be happy about me, cause confidence is a stain that never wipes off.

I just want it to end, I want him to be out of sight out of mind.We live in separate worlds and if he doesn't see me for me I should be able to forget about him. But my heart is in denial, and still stops when his green eyes coincidentally meet mine.
I'm waiting for the day where I forget about him so I can go on with my life without him crossing my mind and making me stop in my tracks.